The Danger of Attention-Seeking

When we think of Absalom, the son of David, we often think of him as a man consumed with pride. While pride was certainly at the root of his behaviour, as it is for most of us, it would be wise to consider that Absalom might have been addicted to something else plaguing many men, women, boys, and girls in society today—attention-seeking. As is the custom of the day, a fancy title has been assigned to this behaviour by those who study mental health—Histrionic Personality Disorder.

At the end of this time, Joab subtly pulled on David’s heartstrings to have Absalom returned to Jerusalem (2 Samuel 14:1-23). The Absalom that returned seemed irreparably broken and hungry for attention. When he first arrived, he was shunned by his father (2 Samuel 14:24, 28), but quickly won the praise of the common people (2 Samuel 14:25-26). As a memorial of the moment when his sister was defiled, Absalom named his daughter, Tamar (2 Samuel 14:27). In spite of the attention from the common people and the obvious bitterness from what happened with his sister, Absalom was not satisfied and needed to see his father. In order to gain an appointment with David, Absalom sent for Joab. When Joab was unwilling to come, Absalom resorted to the dramatic and drastic and set Joab’s fields on fire (2 Samuel 14:29-33).

Instead of staying to fight for Jerusalem, David fled. It is highly likely that David could have withstood and overcome his son, but love for his son and concern for his own responsibility for Absalom’s brokenness moved David to go. Sadly, the bitterness in Absalom’s heart created two great problems: 1.) a great need for attention, anyway he could get it, and 2.) a great desire to destroy David. Neither of these things was good for David, the people of Israel, or even for Absalom. In fact, it would ultimately lead to Absalom’s demise.

Unfortunately for us, this is not a problem relegated to the past. If anything, the problem is more rampant due to the constant flow of communication through the availability of social media. The need for attention, a following, and memorialization causes believers and unbelievers alike to take to the internet in hopes of stirring up strife, contending for a cause, attacking opposing forces or opinions, or defending amiable people or thoughts. It at first appears laudable, but it soon becomes apparent that the one seeking the attention is weak, needy, and flawed. The masses will look on and encourage for a space of time, but the following will shrink as those with wisdom begin to see that the best thing for the attention-needing soul is to give them none.

In the case of Absalom, Joab, David, and all Israel would have been better off to leave him in Hebron and ignore his existence. It likely would have served Absalom well and it certainly would have alleviated some of the troubles that accompanied him when he arrived in Jerusalem. In the case of those seeking attention from you, the best thing you can do is ignore them, let them be, and do not encourage their obvious bitterness or addiction to attention. You might even encourage them to seek help in understanding why they are so desperate for attention. As much as we all love to be bystanders when a great fight breaks out, the best thing we can do is walk away, unfriend, unfollow, and ignore. This will not only help you, but it will also be the most beneficial gift you could give the attention addict to grow up and move on with life.

Those ignored will temporarily become more dramatic. They may go to extremes and exaggerate the circumstances of life in order to draw you back in. They will continue to do what they do until it becomes obvious that you and others disapprove of their childish temper-tantrums. Eventually, when they determine that their rants and inappropriate behaviour is no longer winning over the masses, they will have to find something else with which to occupy their time, another cause to champion. All we can hope is that the next time, it will be more honourable.

Pastor Andrew Ray